Why Just Getting Rid of Your Smart Phone Won't Change Your Heart

I recently saw a post all over social media that caught my interest (to read that post, click here).  This post essentially encouraged parents to do away with their smart phones so that they could focus on being more present with their children. While the post is good and even Biblical (i.e. the whole Matthew 5:29 idea: “if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away”), it does not get at the root issue.  Personally, I was shocked when I read the list at the end of the post of ways parents focus on their smart phones in place of focusing on their kids.  I know I am not at all exempt from this, moments of checking my email or social media when my focus should be elsewhere; however, I was still shocked at the examples listed.  I didn’t realize how self-centered and lacking self-control parents were being in regards to their smart phones. 

It was this realization that started stirring up a few thoughts inside of me.  It seems that the smart phone really isn’t the culprit.  It seems that the real problem are hearts that are self-centered, lacking self control, and ultimately wrapped up in idolatry (and really an idolatry of self more than an idolatry of a smart phone).  This current smart phone issue is reflective of other issues: the cause of drunkenness is not actually a glass of wine nor is the cause of gambling the cards nor is the cause of gluttony the food.  Those objects in each example are simply the thing that is being placed as central in someone’s life.  Each of those sin areas is an example of idolatry of something other than God.  The smart phone is often not just an idolatry of the phone itself, but often an idolatry of self due to so much of oneself (email, music, social media, entertainment, other interests, etc.) being logged in one place. 

A smart phone does not cause a parent to lose focus on her children; rather, a self-centered, idolatrous heart in a parent causes her to lose focus on her children.  The parent who does not focus on her children because she is too busy being caught up in a smart phone reality is a parent that is self-centered, lacks self control, and is ultimately idolatrous.  That parent is worshipping herself and her smart phone.  I know this is a brutal truth (even for my own heart to hear), but it is the very real truth.

While it may in fact be helpful to get rid of your smart phone so that you do not continually face the temptation of being drawn away from your children, please do not simply stop at getting rid of your smart phone.  Prayerfully ask God to redeem and restore your self-centered, idolatrous heart.  If you do not allow God to transform your heart, you have only dealt with the external reality by getting rid of your smart phone.  By not dealing with your heart, your heart still has a self-centered pattern, which can easily and quickly be transferred to something else.  There are plenty of things that can clamor for your attention, beckoning you away from your calling to love and train your children (which is ultimately meant as an act of worship to God).  If you struggle with having self-control in regard to distractions and self-centeredness, then simply getting rid of your smart phone will not change your heart, it will only remove one venue of distraction. 

Stop and preach the Gospel to yourself.  Recognize that God has a plan for how we love and train our children.  Admit that you have a self-centered, idolatrous heart that would rather be focused on yourself than on your God-given calling toward your children.  Ask Jesus to cover the debts that you’ve created by focusing (i.e. worshiping) your phone and yourself, asking Him to transform your heart.  Invite God to come and make you and your family new by learning to live according to His plan for how you love and train your kids, knowing that how you build your family is mean to be an act of worship to Him.

And certainly if your smart phone is too much of a distraction…get rid of it.  Just please don’t stop there.  Deal with your heart, too. 

Mama

The newest of my names is “Mama.”  The role that goes along with this name has brought out a variety of feelings and experiences that are more vast than I ever expected.  For my other Mama friends, maybe you can relate to my challenges, victories, mountaintops and valleys.  May this post encourage you as you fulfill so many aspects of this important calling: “Mama.”

Since becoming a mom, I find myself calming the “Mama Bear” inside me that wants to pounce on those who [even slightly might] hurt my babies, while also listening to that voice so I do actually step in to guard and protect when needed.

Since becoming a mom, I make an effort to stand back just enough to let my son engage in his own imaginative world, while also standing close enough to be aware of him, watching him and enjoying the incredible human being he is. 

Lately, being the mom has also meant listening to the narrative of our day in short three to four word sentences.  These sentences act as a play-by-play of every event as it happens, as well, as a remembrance of all the important events that have happened in the last few days.  Not only is it important that I listen, but it is also vital that I respond, affirming the activities of our life.  By doing this, I am not just confirming a list of events…I am actually affirming the thoughts and personhood of my little man.

I daily wrestle with being present with my boys.  I am continually finding myself having to choose to prioritize my boys over the constant tasks and unending opportunities that present themselves.

I am aware that one day each of my boys will grow up and marry some other woman.  I know they are called to “leave their father and mother and cleave to their wife.”  I want to make this easy for them.  I want to build strong, healthy [but freeing] relationships with my sons, so that they know that I want to always be their ally…even in “leaving” me. 

I am always living in the tension between making my sons feel loved and believed in, while also not making them the center of mine [or anyone else’s] universe.

I am learning to empathize with their fears, struggles and limitations, while helping them to overcome by the Grace of God.

I am finding that even more than teaching my sons the Gospel, I have to preach it to myself again and again as I continually fail.  I know I have the choice to try to hide and cover my mistakes, vowing to do better and be more “perfect,” OR I can run to Jesus, asking him to transform my heart so that I can ultimately live differently.

And especially this year, I find myself exposing generational strongholds, even when it is painful, hoping that those places can be broken, reset, and healed by the power of God.  My parents began this incredibly redeeming work of allowing God to lead their family differently than their families of origin, and now my call is to go further.  My call is to have a willingness to expose and die to broken patterns of living, even when it means admitting my own failures, sins and weaknesses.  And as I do this, it requires that I submit these patterns again and again to Jesus, allowing him to heal and transform, hoping that my boys can walk in even more wholeness and restoration. 

Because, in the end, these boys of mine were entrusted to me by a Big God who has called me to show Him to them as I love and train them. 

I find myself celebrating not only that big calling, but also all the little moments wrapped up in it: two year old hugs around my legs, slobbery baby kisses on my face, laughing brothers in the backseat, my need to sacrificially love during middle of the night feedings, my need for grace and patience at bedtime when it seems to last forever, prayers offered up for sleep, prayers offered up when I don’t know what else to do, prayers offered up for my boys to be drawn to God, prayers offered up for forgiveness and restoration when I fail.  This is motherhood…in light of the Gospel.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Catching Up

While my voice has been quiet here on this blog for a bit, I certainly have not had a shortage of things to write about!  In an effort to play a little catch up, we were…

On the Gulf of Mexico for four days working on some relationship reconciliation with a relative.  The trip was nothing short of a miracle.  Truly.  There was incredible healing of a relationship that had been strained.  And that healing most definitely came through divine intervention.  Plus, we got to watch our boys play in the ocean…seriously amazing!

Finishing out my “neighborhood” Bible study, which has stopped being a “neighborhood” Bible study, and is simply a Bible study with two of my friends.  It’s been great, though, to actually study straight through a book of the Bible (if you would like to follow along, for Colossians 3, click here and for Colossians 4, click here).  I will admit my feelings of failure.  And then I will remind myself of the truth that “success” is not the goal of what I do in life, simply obedience in following through on what God shows me to do. 

Throwing a second birthday party for our son.  Last year, I had the “perfectly” themed party and was stressed the whole time.  This year, we ordered pizza, booked a shelter at the park, and used the candy from our piñata as our “party favors.”  I enjoyed my son’s party.  And so did he…by wandering around the park far from the festivities for most of the party.    

Being sick.  It seems it takes a family of four about ten days to thoroughly share a cold with one another.  Bummer.

Feeling exhausted, finding myself keeping almost newborn hours again with our six month old during his growth spurt.  Lack of sleep does not manifest itself well in me!  I have been edgy, stressed, and impatient.  I find myself apologizing a lot lately, having to preach the Gospel again and again to myself.  I also find myself having to ask my husband for even more help.  Ironically, it turns out that the night my husband was going to help with the little guys’ feeding schedule, that little guy slept seven hours straight!  I am hopeful that sleep is in our future!

Preparing.  In less than a month, not only will my husband and I be leading a marriage retreat for a handful of medical residents’ (and spouses), but we will also be travelling to CCHF (to learn more, click here) the following weekend.  This provides plenty of opportunity for my husband and I to pray and study and listen to what God wants to speak at those events.   

Life is quite the ride right now.  And I wouldn’t trade it at all!

Selah: 5.2.12

This word Selah in Scripture is found throughout the Psalms and simply put means to “stop and reflect.”  You find this word after phrases in the Psalms, phrases that God intends for us to stop and think about before moving forward.  It is this idea pausing to meditate on His truths and praise Him for who He is and what He does.

I would like to invite you to a few moments of Selah.  Stop and reflect with me.  Pause and mediate on God’s truths spoken in these songs and worship Him for who He is and what HE does. 

This week’s song is “How Great" by David Crowder Band

Selah: 4.25.12

This word Selah in Scripture is found throughout the Psalms and simply put means to “stop and reflect.”  You find this word after phrases in the Psalms, phrases that God intends for us to stop and think about before moving forward.  It is this idea pausing to meditate on His truths and praise Him for who He is and what He does.

I would like to invite you to a few moments of Selah.  Stop and reflect with me.  Pause and mediate on God’s truths spoken in these songs and worship Him for who He is and what HE does. 

This week's song is "You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham.

CCHF Update

In my last post about CCHF (to read, click here), I shared that at CCHF's annual conference my husband would be leading a workshop on living as a missionary in your current life. Now, not only will he be leading a workshop on that topic ("So You Want to Be a Missionary? Why Wait Until You Graduate?"), but he will also be leading a workshop on Gospel-centered medicine ("Gospel-Centered Medicine: Caring for the Whole Person"). To see full descriptions of his workshops (as well as all the other workshops offered at CCHF), click here. Workshops are listed in aphabetical order by presenter's last name.

The CCHF annual conference is for all varities of medical people (and spouses). This conference will be held in Nashville, Tennessee May 31st – June 2nd. This is a conference specifically focused on medicine as ministry. The deadline to sign up is May 10th. We hope to see you there!

Colossians 3 Link

For those of you who are following along with my "neighborhood" Bible study through the book of Colossians, you can access the questions for chapter 3 by clicking here.