Porcelain, part 1

The truth is I never really like the phrase “weaker vessel” (found in Scripture to describe how men are to treat their wives: treat your wife as the weaker vessel, 1 Peter 3:7). I actually resented being called the “weaker vessel.” My parents raised my sisters and I to be strong, independent women, not void of our feminity in any way, but able to think for ourselves and take care of ourselves. While I’ve experienced struggle and disappointment in the areas of career, ministry, and romance, I have not experienced much personal weakness until this stage of my life.

I just shared in my last post (“North, part 2”) the reality of my weakness while I am pregnant and when I have a new baby at home. I am not as strong when my body and emotions are out of whack. Because of these weaknesses, my husband has recently had to make some hard choices to lay down his life for me, love me, serve me, and take care of me as his wife.

For the first time, I understand what the Scripture was talking about when it referred to women as “the weaker vessel.” I never really felt weak before…not like this. It makes sense to me now, though, in my current season of weakness. The “weaker vessel” term does not mean “lesser” or “worthless” or “bad” (which was what I felt like that term was implying). What it means (as I’ve heard a few pastors explain) is “like a porcelain vase.” What comes to mind when you think of a porcelain vase? My perception of a porcelain vase is that it is beautiful, treasured, fragile, and to be handled with care. I believe that’s what the Scripture is talking about when it tells the husband to show “honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.” The husband is meant to give honor to his wife because she is a beautiful and fragile creation. Every part of her is to be handled with care. For the first time in my life, I am totally comfortable “owning” that reality. Because it is my reality. It is very evident that I am “weaker” right now. It is very evident that I need my husband to handle me (and our life) with special care.

The issue is not whether or not you will ever be weak; rather, the issue is finding out what your own areas of weakness are. They may not even fully surface until you enter a certain life stage. As human beings, though, we are imperfect and will not reach perfection in and of ourselves. As women, there is a porcelain reality to our existence. It does not in any way imply that we are lesser or invaluable; however, there is something about each of us as women that requires us to be handled with special care by our husbands (or future husbands). Knowing yourself and understanding your weaknesses or your “porcelain” tendencies and then sharing these things with your husband will give him a better chance of walking out his calling in regards to your “weaker vessel” reality (more about that in the next post). Take a minute and reflect on where you are weak. Consider the areas in your life, heart, and personhood that need special care.

For me, becoming a mom has completely rocked my world. Not only is there the physical/emotional weakness of pregnancy and the post-partum season, but there is an incredible sense of the unknown and my own inabilities. I do not know how to do everything for my son. I do not know what he needs all the time. (I know some people say that as soon as they had their first baby, they just “knew” what to do; however, that magic little switch didn’t get flipped for me.) I have no idea when he’ll get sick or when he’ll be teething or that he’d refuse to go to anyone but me or my husband for over four months. Beyond the unknown, there is an incredible recognition of my inability to control his world and always protect him. I quickly accepted this right after he was born, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to protect him from everything. I began daily releasing him to God. Actively trusting God with my son has brought a new level of faith that I had not yet experienced. There is an understanding of how small I actually am in this world. That I cannot make my son’s world perfect, that there will be things outside of my control that will affect his life. So I continually release him to God, knowing that God is the protector, provider, and sustainer of all things.

The combination of physical weakness and emotional weakness during pregnancy and after my son was born along with the reality of the unknown of parenting and the inability to control all things has rocked me unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I have never felt so weak overall as a person as I did during the late pregnancy/early baby months. Being pregnant again, I am again confronted with my weakness. This time I am walking in the reality of it instead of panicking at the first glimpse of my personal weakness. I am sharing with my husband where I am weak and where I need him to “handle with care.”

The rest of the truth about weakness can be found in this verse (about Paul asking God to take away a particular struggle):

But he [God] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (parentheses are added)

As I walk out the reality of my own weakness, God’s truth is that His power is perfected and evident in my weakness. It would make sense that when I am weak, I no longer am able to depend on myself fully and God is able to be present in those areas. As I accept my physical and emotional weaknesses during pregnancy, God’s power is able to be displayed in my life. When I recognize that I need His help as a mom, His presence is made evident in my life. As I face the unknowns of parenting and my inability to control all things, I have the opportunity to be connected to the One who knows all things and is able to handle all situations. God gets to show Himself as active in my life.

If you know where your weaknesses are today, take a moment to ask God to display Himself in those areas. Ask Him for His power to be released in those areas of weakness. Ask Him for wisdom and insight into your “porcelain” areas.

The next post will have thoughts on sharing these “porcelain” areas with your husband.