I have a series of blog posts ready to be edited and posted; however, wrapping my mind around anything substantial these days is beyond me. So, today’s post is more of a lighthearted reflection on my reality than a straightforward teaching about Biblical womanhood. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to those posts…but for now, here’s a window into my new reality.
My mom has been visiting this past week and a half and has held my babies, done my dishes, and helped me prepare a birthday party for my husband. She and I have also chatted all day every day that she has been here. At the moment, though, I just got my toddler down for a nap and my mom has just snuggled my newborn to sleep. As soon as I got into my room to try to take a nap myself, I heard my toddler talking over the monitor, which means he is either not tired or he needs another diaper change! So, I am blogging for a few minutes to see if he falls to sleep or if he actually needs me to come in and change his diaper.
The days that go well right now are the days that I have low expectations of myself. Those are the days that my only goals are to get the boys and myself dressed, all of us fed, and the boys’ diapers changed. The days that go poorly are the days that I expect myself to do be able to do all that I used to do before having a toddler and a newborn. On those days that go poorly, I usually end up in tears…at which point my husband forms a question along the lines of, “Are you trying to do too much?” This question is often followed by a loving encouragement from him along the lines of, “You know that I don’t have expectations, right? I’d be happy if the boys were just fed and changed each day.” Low expectations of myself at this stage in our family makes for happy and peaceful days. Now, if only I could remember that and live by that motto every day.
I am sleeping at night more than I did with my first son when he was a newborn; however, the middle of the night feedings are still taking considerable amounts of time and are happening often enough to break down my ability to think clearly all the time. For instance, I was sorely disappointed that a jar of really delicious queso had been opened and molded…not remembering that I was the one who opened it earlier in the week and hadn’t put it in the fridge! Yesterday, when my husband didn’t come home after his hospitalist shift, I began to realize that maybe I really didn’t understand his schedule…after texting him, I discovered that he was overseeing residents all afternoon and that I had been fully aware of that at some point in the last few weeks…details that fell through the holes in my Swiss cheese brain. As my husband left for work early in the morning a few days ago, he reminded me that we have two kids, jokingly implying that I needed to continually check that I had two people accounted for all day.
It’s no wonder, then, that I have not been able to thoughtfully edit the posts I had been working on. Soon enough, right? One friend of mine reminded me again this weekend that it takes six weeks to adjust to my “new normal.”
Having my two boys really has been wonderful! It has caused me to stop and focus on what matters and not get caught up (or try to not get caught up) in what doesn’t matter. I realize that these boys of mine are going to be men before I know it, and I don’t want to miss a thing. One of my favorite quotes by Emily Dickinson says, “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” So, I want to make the most of these days, fully enjoying this stage, knowing that it will not happen again.
These last few weeks have also made me appreciate more deeply the man that my husband is. He has served me and connected with our boys at the expense of his own desires over and over again. He has changed diapers during middle of the night feedings, sat up with our newborn when I just couldn’t stay awake any longer, played with our toddler after working all day, and continually affirmed me as a mom when I’ve most needed it. He is “my excellent, strong man”!*
* You should be proud of yourself if you know what movie that quote is from.
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