The Big Step

To share honestly here, in this blog space, I feel a bit vulnerable today.  It is vulnerable because I took a big step this week that a few years ago, I would not have even imagined would be necessary.  I started seeing a counselor this week…open-endedly, but regularly.  My purpose for pursuing counseling was simply that I know that there are places of hurt and much needed transformation in my heart.  I firmly believe that the power of healing and transformation is in God through Jesus; however, I also firmly believe that there is a time to ask for someone else to help us sort out and pursue that healing and transformation in God.

To be honest, most of my life, I thought that “going to counseling” was only for really, really messed up people.  I really hate to even share that because that one sentence reveals a level of pride in my heart that is embarrassing.  I clearly had a too high view of myself and a not high enough view of the reality of sin and brokenness in my own life.  I am learning now that I’d much rather ask someone else for help to unravel some rather broken patterns in me and ultimately live differently (i.e. heal and transform) than simply live in confusion, trying to manage things I keep struggling through or don’t understand.  I’ve often encouraged others to go to counseling; however, recently I’ve been the one others have been encouraging to go to counseling. 

For me it is a big step.

It is vulnerable.

The outcome is unknown.

However, I trust God.  I trust that God has been and is working on a journey of redemption and restoration in my life…and that seeing a counselor during this season of life facilitates that end.  I understand that whatever counselor I see is not God…and is not going to have all the answers I need.  In the end, I am ultimately turning to God to heal and transform and am trusting Him to use the counselor as a catalyst in this process.  In fact, it’s the Holy Spirit that is the Counselor given to us when we follow Jesus.  So, I trust that Counselor to me and my counselor in pursuit of wholeness.   Ironically (or not so ironically), it just so happened that as I was reading The Practice of the Presence of God this week, this quote (p.  27) was in the section I was reading:

 “We often stop this torrent [of God’s grace] by our lack of respect for it.  But we musn’t restrain it any longer.  Let us go into our hearts, dear friend, breaking down the dike, making way for grace, and making up for lost time!  You and I are getting along in years.  We have little time left to live.  Death is always near, so be prepared for we only die once.”

It’s not exactly that I’m “getting along in years” in terms of my lifespan; however, I definitely am at a crossroads where I want to make up for lost time and make way for God’s grace in my life.  Taking a step into counseling, pursuing healing and transformation in Jesus is “what making way for God’s grace” looks like in my life during this season.

For those of you reading this book along with me (if you have no clue what I am talking about, click here), have you noticed God tying together any life circumstances with the sections you’ve been reading?  I’d love to hear any connections you see Him making!